I could start by catching up on the goings-on in my little life...but it could be boring. I could just blather on about what's up now...but that could be boring, too.
I've changed as a person since I last wrote here - who doesn't change as they get older, right? I'm almost 50. I'm both dreading and looking forward to this milestone age. I'm officially old (*lol*), but in some ways it feels like my life could be starting over again. I guess it depends on my point of view at the time. Currently slogging through menopause - my last period was roughly six months ago (which either means I'm due for another one, or I get to taste the freedom finally), so I haven't had to "re-set the clock" so-to-speak for a while. Once it's been a year I'm apparently officially In Menopause (capitalised on purpose) so there's that to look forward to. About the worst of it for me were two things:
1) I had to go back on anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds as my mood swings were through the roof (and in the cellar) - and that's not a bad thing. As I've lived with both for most of my life, and been on and off of meds most of my life, I'm just someone that needs store-bought serotonin occasionally to get by ;)
2) I've also noticed that my bullshit-tolerance levels are kaput. I've lost people in my life over this, but that's ok too. I'm better off this way, and I'm sure they are too. I see no reason why I have to be the one that puts all the effort into something or someone with absolutely no reward, making all the concessions until I become a different person just to gain acceptance. I'm done with that. If you don't like who I am there's the door, move on and be happier with someone else.
Now, before you get all judgy on me, kindly note that by "reward" I mean someone that actually cares about how I am, cares about who I am, and is willing to accept me as my authentic self. Don't have a whole conversation with me then tack on at the end of it "By the way, how are you?" as an afterthought or a perceived obligation. Don't make me the one that always reaches out to connect but can't be bothered to do the same for months on end. Granted, I admit that me being an introvert (ambivert?) can make things...difficult?...interesting?...when it comes to friendship or relationships with me. I get that, and I do try and put an effort into things. I also get that I've made some shitty choices in regards to whom I try and trust. I'm learning, though, so it's all good (I hope).
Now that you're thoroughly bored and regretting your wasted time reading this - but thank you for reading this - I'll sign off. I'll catch you up on what's past next time. Then I'll have to think up what the heck I'm going to try and do here other than babble about myself...any thoughts? anyone? *LOL*
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